Patiently Ambitious
From the book, Patiently Ambitious by Tres Jimenez
Chapter 1: Strengths, Choices, Consequences and Compromise
Let’s start together
in exploring a deeper understanding of ambition, that invites a re-definition from history. The root of the word is from the Latin ambitio(n-), from ambire ‘go around (canvassing for votes) In this version of the word, ambition is driven by what others wish to see (canvassing for votes by gaining input and approval from others) this may fan the flames of our ambitions, and yet this is fueled by what others want, or want for us.
I invite us to take a different view of ambition, and connect this to our own personal intrinsic motivation where our strengths, values, and deepest desires live and stoke our own internal fires to shine the light that is uniquely present inside of us all. In order to do this, we first need to explore, reflect, and then become crystal clear about exactly what these motivators ARE, and to separate them from the messages we’ve heard from family, friends, teachers, media, and society. These life-sources often have more presence in the repetitively patterned messages from our very efficient brains which become the expectations and “shoulds” that land on the center stage crowded with the ideas, thoughts, and obligations of others.
Even if this idea sounds good, it might be that like me, it took almost 30 years before experiencing a personal awakening during my “Saturn return,” My awakening was accelerated by a new baby, a new divorce, a new pink-slip, and losing my home and 75% of my savings in a financial crash all in the same year. This was the year I realized that the center-stage of my brain was over-crowded with the noise of trying to please and imitate, and poorly I was managing the expectations of others. It was kind of like trying to perform a play in a poorly fitting costume in a badly directed play where I continuously botched my lines - because none of these were my own. It was time to clear the stage and start working on my own one-woman show.
Here’s the challenge, even if you are clear about who you are, and determined to live on your own terms, patience is needed when bringing others along, making requests, and even tolerating the rejections of our authenticities. If you live a life that is true to your deepest self, this won’t be for everyone in every situation you encounter. The patience is in the choices you make about how authentically you want to show up, patience in accepting and learning from the consequences when the audience isn’t interested, or patience with yourself when you compromise in order to keep moving your ambitions in life forward. The patience comes in fueling your ambitions consciously.
A great place to start is with strengths, because strengths-based psychology tells us that,
“Strength-based practices emphasize the positive thinking patterns and circumstances in a person’s life, rather than the negatives. It helps determine what works for each people by seeing people for who they are”
By starting this journey anchoring with our strengths, I hope and believe that this will help lead to self-discovery and identifying your unique combination of powerful talents that you are grateful for, that you love getting to use, and that will enable us first to see ourselves as valuable individuals who take ownership in clearing the center stage of our lives whenever we can so that we can create space for shining our positive impact on the world around us.
“Superpower Salad Bar”
Okay so if ambition is now about finding our strengths and using them in a way to change the world, what’s with the “patiently” business? Why can’t I just figure that out and get started immediately? (That is my action-oriented self-talk) If only our self-discovery were that quick and easy, just get the pre-made salad instead of curating my own personal masterpiece at a decades-long-salad bar.
What are all of the things that you are good at? It can feel like bragging or showing off to talk about our strengths, unless we are trying to get a job, trying to win friends and influence people, or writing accomplishment stories during that often loathsome time of performance reviews at corporate jobs, the ones that may not be an arena for playing to your strengths.
As Marcus Buckingham says in his work with strengths-based psychology, we are more likely to be happy, satisfied, and connected to purpose when we find, grow, share, and use our strengths every day.
To start with, first get clear about what your strengths ARE, to yourself. There are the cliche’d strengths that you read on a job description, presentation skills, financial savvy, team-oriented, collaborative, driven, passionate, organized, project planner, listener, systems-thinker, storyteller, strategic, problem-solver, critical-thinker, and some of my (not-so) favorites, “attention to detail”, accuracy, and predictability, and consistency. There are many non-work strengths such as home-decor, gardening, cooking, baking, engaged parenting, community leadership, activism, physical activities like cross-fit, running, peloton-ing, hiking, pilates, climbing, swimming, power-walking, yoga, kayaking, and rollerskating.
And last but not always appreciated are the strengths that we hear about more recently that I will describe as “feminine” and “masculine” energies. I mean this to say that we ALL have masculine and feminine energies in a different and unique combination, and not be confused with gender identity) Examples of masculine energies are aggression, drive, debate, facts, data, decisive, self-focused, alpha, with behaviors described in sports, heavy machinery, and military metaphors that have become the language of our male-dominated work spaces (battle-plan, war-room, team, steering committee, “crushing-it”, driving it home, finish-line. Compare this to strengths that are feminine energies, and currently being sought out within the leadership circles such as empathy, emotional-intelligence, critical thinking, scenario-planning, risk-analysis, curiosity, listening, connection, collaboration, community, and while we recognize that many of these qualities show up in female-identified people, it is more likely due to the culture supporting these qualities in women, and rejecting or humiliating these behaviors when exhibited by the male-identified.
I like to use a salad-bar metaphor to articulate the endless variety of strengths that are possible to combine into your own personal unique combination that might be a blending of (fresh) choices you select based on your preferences, your talents, skills, experiences and purpose. This personal salad may be a mixture of guilty pleasures, choices made that you may not love but that you know are good-for you, and the amounts and the way you pile them up varies as well. In this way, our personal combination may consist of strengths that we love using, but also things that we might be really good at but view as a chore and necessary to leading the life of our choosing. Becoming aware of the strengths that YOU love using can make all the difference in how you approach your life and work.
“The invitation is to keep learning about our strengths, and especially for the ones we love using. Let others know and encourage them to come to you for these strengths. Become patiently ambitious about developing and using your favorite strengths as often as you can to live life and work on on your own terms.”
Journaling Prompts:
Make a list of as many strengths, talents, areas of expertise that you are really good at:
Underline all of these that you really love using
Now circle one of them, and write about how you developed this strength:
How do you get to use it?
Where would you like to use this strength more often in your work?
In your life non-work?
Who knows and comes to you for this strength?
How and when do you (or might you) tell people about this strength?
What strengths and superpowers
are on your personal “salad”?
Please add your comments below!
